


Shattered Glass

by prettyflour



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Twilight, Book: New Moon, Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-29
Updated: 2012-07-29
Packaged: 2017-11-11 00:09:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/472277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyflour/pseuds/prettyflour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was watching New Moon... The Vote scene... When Edward said, “Why are you doing this to me?” It struck a nerve and gave me an idea of a different turn of events. What if Bella got pissed at this question, real pissed? Here is my answer. </p><p>Remember, I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Shattered Glass**

 

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Edward's expression bordered on disgust.  His words circled over and over in Bella's mind.

Why are you doing this to me?

Bella fumed.  To him?  We are not talking about him.  We are talking about me.

Carlisle is saying something, but she is too lost in her own thoughts to pay attention to his words.  She look down at her feet and ponders.   

Why are you doing this to me?

Her stomach twists and lurches just as it did the day Edward left her.   She closed her eyes for a moment and let his words sink in.   Even after what happened in Volterra, he is denying her.   She looked up slightly as Rosalie leaves the room and Emmett follows her.  Alice looks at Edward and sighs before turning to leave.   She finally exhales and raises her head to find Jasper  staring at her.  His body tenses and his mouth parts slightly but he says nothing.  She hastily look back down at the shiny hard wood floor beneath her feet, again.

Why are you doing this to me?

She can not fathom how spending the remainder of his existence with her by his side could evoke such a response from him.  Why is he fighting this?  Why doesn't he want me?   How could he dare think that this is about just him?

"Bella, don't..."  Jasper whispered.

She turned toward him and Edward's head snapped up, his eyes dart back and forth between the two of them.  Of course,  Jasper's gift let him feel the pure wretched rejection coursing through her.  He shakes his head from side to side.   "You're wrong.  You don't understand."

Edward is suddenly behind Bella, his arms around her waist gently pulling her back away from Jasper.  

"You're right.  I don't understand."  Her hands grasped Edward's and pushes them away before she walks away from both of them and rushed down the stairs.

"Bella?"  Edward asks.

She doesn't answer him.  She doesn't look back.  Her legs take on a mind of their own and move quickly toward the door.  

Edward stands before her, blocking her escape route with his brow furrowed.  His fingertips run down her cheek.  "What are you doing?"

"I'd like to go home now."

"I'll drive you," he responds.

"No, I'll drive myself."   She sighs.  They ran here.  She doesn't have her truck.

He takes his keys out of his pocket and hands them to her.   "I'm sorry if I upset you."

She narrows her eyes,  wanting to scream at him or smack some sense into him, but no words come.  Even looking all confused and sad, he is the most beautiful thing to ever cross her eyes.  He embraced  her then, burying his head in her hair inhaling deeply.  

"You're scent, it is like a drug to me."

More of Edward's words spark a battle inside her mind.  Her scent is his heroin, her blood that he both loves and hates.  It has created a wall between them and she want to tear it down.  The faint smile on his lips mocks her.  Bella pushes him and he backs away, gasping when he sees the tear that is running down her cheek.

"Oh god, did I hurt you?"

She scoffs and stares at him in disbelief.  She contemplate if vampires can go insane and then she laughs.   She laughs in spite of his horrified expression.  She laughs until she has to hold herself up and now Edward is looking at her as though she's gone mad.  Maybe she has...  This whole situation goes beyond the realm of any sanity she knows.  Vampires, werewolves, secret societies and Bella...   A puny accident prone human destined to die, whether it be of old age or in a tangle of immortal love, it doesn't matter to her anymore.  

Edward steps toward her.  "Bella, are you alright?"

She looks up at him.  "No, I am not alright.  Jesus christ Edward, you didn't hurt me!"  She begins to pace in front of him.     Her words weren't exactly the truth,  He may not have physically hurt her, but his words cut like a knife.  She silently curses everything about this situation.  How could she be so stupid?  So naïve to think that just because he's back that anything had changed.  Her insides boiled with unspoken questions and broken promises between them.   

She stops, her hands balled into fists, tears streaking her face, she has the urge to hit him. "Do you remember telling me that you are a selfish creature?"

He nods.

"Well Edward, you are in good company because right now, I am feeling incredibly selfish.  Now please get out of my way.  I would like to go home by myself."

He steps aside.  "I'm sor...

"Shut up."  She snaps through gritted teeth.

"What?"  He looks shocked.  She is pretty shocked too.  She have never spoken to him this way.  It feels liberating, It feels good to finally tell him what is really going on inside of her head.  These two words have opened up a floodgate that she is about to unleash upon him.

"You are not sorry.  You are getting what you want.  I will stay human, frail and mortal so that you can torture yourself with my scent and carry out your plot to hide me from the Volturri.  Go ahead, make yourself sick with worry until I die someday and I'm sure that you will wallow in misery over how you couldn't protect me from death you fucking hypocrite."

His hands are shaky as he opens the door for her.  "Is is so wrong that I want you to be happy?  To have a normal life?"

"I love you Edward.  It's too late for me to have a normal life and incase you haven't figured it out by now I can not be happy unless I have you."

"But you do have me, you always will."  He looks away from her. 

"I want more.  I don't want to pretend that you are my grandson fifty years from now.  I'm going to want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you in public.  What would be so bad about you and I being together for eternity?  Don't you dare spout off crap about eternal damnation  or the loss of my soul because I don't believe that."

"You should.  It is the truth."

She is so angry that she is laughing again, which is making Edward seethe with anger.

"You can't prove that.  I for one do not believe that for a second.  I think if you truly had no soul than you wouldn't give a damn about feeding from humans.  You wouldn't put forth so much effort to live the way you do and respect human life.  You may not be human anymore but you have a soul.  I am so tired of how you look at yourself as a soulless monster.  If you had no soul, you would have no capacity for love, but you do.  I know you do.  I can feel it and I can feel you fight it.  It sickens me to see the revulsion in your face when we are on the topic of turning me.    You say you want me to be happy, but you can't see that this..."

She waves her hand around, flailing in the air between them.  "This makes me feel like I have absolutely no say in what will happen MY life."  Her hands are in fists by her side and Edward sinks to the ground preparing to beg her for forgiveness.  "I don't want normal.  I already have normal and if I have to live the rest of my days like this, I will not be happy Edward, ever."

She kneels down in front of him, putting her hands on the tops of his knees and pulling them apart for her to crawl onto him.  "I need you to understand that I am not just a love sick teenager.  I may be young, but I am not stupid.  I have thought about this in great lengths.  I want this.  I am not Rosalie.  I will not hate you or resent you.  You would be giving me what I want.   I want you to be a selfish bastard and me make yours.  I want you to be able to hold me without fear of breaking me."

"I do hold you,"  he whispers and gently squeezes his arms around me. 

"Not like this.  To really hold me, to use all of your strength, to kiss me with the passion I know you have, to make love to me.   Why do you not want that?  How can you love me and not want that?"

No matter how hard she tries, she can not keep the tears from falling.  He wipes them away.  "I do want that Bella.   I want, no, I need you to be sure about this.  Once it is done, there is no going back.  It will rip you away from Charlie and Renee and everyone else that you love.  You say you have given this thought and I believe you, but his kind of decision warrants serious contemplation.  At least graduate high school first.  Make sure that this is what you want.  Right now is too soon.  I won't end your life yet and I won't let anyone else.  I won't."

She relaxes into him.    Her traitorous body is so tired.  She doesn't want to move away from his touch.    Pulling her legs around him, straddling him, her lips move over his icy neck and soon her kisses give way to licks.   He tastes so good.  His skin is her favorite taste in the world.  He is unmoving as she slowly kisses his jaw and then his lips.  Her fingers dance their way into his hair while she mumbles I love you in between kisses.  When he reciprocates and kisses her back, she feels a surge of energy and arousal that take hold of her.  Her hips grind into his.  She can feel his erection under her and it fuels her to push harder and part her lips so that she can taste his skin again.  His hands explore her back over her shirt and then he grips her tightly.  She prays that he is finding the strength she knows he has and will not end this yet.  Please god, not yet.   She can feel the sudden tension in his body and he breaks the kiss, but she is not giving up easily,  pushing herself against his body, as close as she can possibly get, kissing every part of him that she can get her greedy little lips on.   As he starts to pull away, she clutches onto him, holding on for dear life.

"Bella, please..."  He rasps.  "I can't."

His words are enough to make her freeze in place.  He can't...  He won't...  and she is too physically weak to do anything about it.  She pushes herself away from him and stumbles to her feet before rushing out the door, slamming it so hard the the glass shatters on impact.    She is so angry that she can feel blood trickling down my face, but it doesn't hurt.  It's numb.  Pain might actually be welcome to her.  The rain is heavy and soaking her clothes.  She's moving callously, brushing off stray pieces of glass from her arms and shaking out the pieces in her hair, cutting herself more in the process.    As she reaches for the door of his car she see the tiny shards of glass imbedded in the skin of her arm,  sparkling in the dim light, the rain creating a glistening red mess.  

"Don't go."  He says from behind her.  Startled, she spins around to face him not knowing that he is so close.   He is inches from her,  wet from the rain and across his face are droplets of her blood.  His isn't breathing.   He looks furious.  They stare at each other in silence.  His tongue creeps out licking off a drop of blood that was on his lip and he looks at her with an expression that should scare her but it does just the opposite.

"Edward, go inside."  Carlisle says in a voice that Bella has never heard him use.  He sounds angry, void of compassion, but Edward doesn't move.     Carlisle is now beside him, his hand braced on  Edward's shoulder.   "Bella, I think you should go."

 

There is a distinct growling.  Bella's not sure if it is coming from Edward or Carlisle.  Everything around her turned into a blur.  She had been pushed to the ground, she heard snarling and violent shoves.  She turned her head to see Carlisle on top of Edward, struggling to hold him down.   "Go Bella.  Now!"  Carlisle yelled.  

Never once stumbling, she ran to the car and got inside, keys, accelerate, tearing away from the house in complete shock over what just happened.   Part of her is taking a sick pride in Edward's reaction.  She should be mortified, he could have killed her.  He looked like he wanted to...  He fought with Carlisle, his father, a man who's respect he holds dearly.  A realization hit her.  What she saw back there wasn't the Edward she knows.  What she saw was the very thing that Edward didn't want her to ever see or what he did not want her to become;  an instinctual beast who lusts for blood over all else.  He wasn't concerned with her soul in the moment that he tasted her blood, he just wanted more.

And yet she wasn't afraid of him.  Even when logic was telling her to flee, it took everything she had to drive away.   She didn't want to leave Edward and Carlisle like that.  If anything, she was afraid that Carlisle might hurt him.   She laughs to herself.  Someone is always trying to protect her.  It's pathetic really.  Even now, to think that this vehicle could move fast enough to escape Edward.  What a cruel joke.  

She tries for distractions, thinking about Renee and school but she can't focus on anything but Edward.  Intrigued by the phenomenon of singers, she remembers seeing Edward for the first time, a human look alike, quiet, brooding and bored.  But Beautiful, always beautiful.  Biology, the clenching of his fists, the anger is his eyes.

"You're scent, it is like a drug to me."

Again she laughs at the irony of her blood being his addiction.  The ultimate test of his control.  Her life force being the source of all of her problems.  It is like blaming the sun for making the earth a little too hot.  You can't have it both ways.  You either have a thriving earth with a blazing hot sun or you have nothing...

Her perspective has changed but if anything this entire evening put everything into place for her.  This changed nothing.  If anything she wanted him to change her sooner, solidly her place in his life, damn the consequences.  She doesn't want the perfect facade of Edward Cullen.  She wants all of him, every flawed and monstrous piece of him.  Perhaps she was being selfish, but she wouldn't deny how she felt.   Seeing him lick her blood off of his lips had transformed him, temped him, brought out something dangerous in him.  But he was aroused too.  That didn't escape Bella's attention.   She didn't care that it was her blood he lusted after and not her body.  Seeing that look of hunger spread across his face and knowing she did that made her feel powerful.  She thought that maybe she was sick, a complete whack job for feeling this way, but she did.  She was a self proclaimed danger magnet after all.

Everything came to a screeching halt,  literally.  Something just stopped the car with a enormous force.  She looked up to see nothing and the door flies open and is ripped from the hinges disappearing into the night.

Edward.

Her heart races in anticipation and her twisted mind rejoices as he appears where the door used to be.   He looks feral and out of control, clothes torn, his chest exposed and water falling from his hair onto his face.  He is the sexiest thing she's ever seen.  Her lips curl into a grin and he emits a low growl.   His eyes rake over her body as he breathes deeply, taking in the scent of his prey.    When he meets  her  gaze, they are both stunned.   There are so many things to be said.  She wants to let down every guard, no walls, no secrets and just let him inside of her in every way imaginable.  She wishes he could read her mind.  She wishes he knew how much she loves him, wants him, every bloody fucking part of him.  Her need for him trumps all.  She loves him.  She could never fear him.

He laughs and leans into the door.  "Don't lie to yourself.  You are afraid.  I can smell the adrenaline pouring off of you."

She cocks her head to the side.  "That's not fear Edward.  That is excitement.  You know my heart races every time I see you.  Admit it, you can smell my arousal too."  

In a flash he's pushing himself on top of her, lowering the seat and hovering over her, his finger lightly tracing a pattern over her neck.

"You want this?"

"Yes."

He chuckles.  "Absolutely no hesitation in your response.  So eager to become a fucking killer Bella?  A killer!"

"I'm not afraid.  What I want is you."  She brings her hands to his chest and watches as he struggles being so close to her blood.  She wants him to taste her again.  She wants to see that look on his face again.    She wants him to take every ounce of pleasure that she can give him.  All that she asks is that he stops before her heart stops, so that they can spend eternity together.

His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head mumbling something to himself.   "No, I can't....  taste her?   her mind.... God, it's beautiful..."  He pulls away, sitting up and put his hands over his face.  Bella gasps, realizing.  Oh my god...  How did he...   He's reading her thoughts.   He laughs and it sounds wicked, it sounds evil.  "I can't just taste you.  It's so much more...   It would start a sweet frenzy that could make me lose control, so easily Bella."

She is not going to waste this opportunity.  She pulls his hands away from his face, rising she puts her forehead against his.  She's racing through memories, everything she can think of.  Everyone, everything, her wants, her needs, her dreams.  God, how may times have she dreamed of him?  How many times did she dream of them together with no restraints, no limits.   A golden eyed couple amerced in love and having each other to take on forever.   She let him see that she is not going into this blind.  She doesn't expect perfection.   She doesn't expect white picket fences and babies.   She expects him in every way, the witty smart gentleman and the hungry beast she see before her now.  She claws her fingernails down his chest and looks him in the eyes.  Mine.

He grunts, letting go of what he wants and gives into her.  Letting her hands roam him, her thoughts provoking him, his hands ripping away her clothing.  His fingers dipping behind her panties, twisting and pulling apart the fabric.  He slows his movements, trailing a finger between her folds, finding her slick and dripping.

"So wet," he breathes.  He eases so slowly into her.  Heat.  He's wrapped in heat as she writhes under his hand.  They both shudder, him at her heat and she at the coolness of his fingers.   Soothing any  discomfort that might have been.  She truly felt no pain.  She felt incredible.  She wanted more.  More.  He held his finger still, acclimating himself to the feel of her, gently moving, rocking his fingers before using his thumb to work circles on her clit.  

He growls.   "Your scent, it's crushing me.   Touch me Bella.  Fuck, please touch me."

She is lost.  Buried in this sensation that is building within her.  The velvet tone of his voice uttering the word Fuck drives her crazy.  She starts fumbling with the buttons on his jeans, panting and breathless working them down his hips just low enough to feel him her my hand.  His erection is incredibly hard yet his skin is soft and pliable.  He moans every time she work her hand over the head, swirling his pre cum between her fingertips and rubbing it over him.   His fingers are still moving, faster now, more forceful.  She clenches around his fingers and holds her breath.    Exhaling and making uncontrollable noises as she shakes and moans his name, the euphoria of an orgasms takes over, making her entire body vibrate.  Sending her thoughts into bursts of colors.  

There were no more words.  Just him, just her, just them.  Together, right now.

Her hand continues and she can feel his legs begin to shake.  She kisses him as hard as she can and uses both of hands to give him this.   His body tense, his rippling muscles flexing, he is close.  

Please Edward, let go.   Just feel me.  Just let yourself go, please...  come for me.    His mouth opens and his growl turns into a purr.   His eyes fly open and his stare pierces her.  He cries out, strangled yet relieved.   His head drops down and he wraps one arm around her, lifting her hand to his mouth.

He places a kiss on her knuckle and whispers, "Forgive me."

There is a moment of complete silence and her breathe catches.  He turns her hand over and she watches as his teeth slice into her wrist.  An effortless break of skin and a rush of blood, she exhales.    She feels no pain.  She feels the pressure of his lips, the pulsing of his tongue as he drinks.  She can feel a part of herself becoming a part of him.  He stops quickly and takes her other wrist, biting and sucking, all the time looking at her face.  Watching her, reading her. 

All of this, after everything, his control has never been more honed.  Three bites, four bites, none of it painful, each one filled with venom, slowly working its way into her blood stream.  Each time asking  her to forgive him, each time wincing before his teeth mark her forever.  Each one filled with love and the promise of a new life together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was watching New Moon... The Vote scene... When Edward said, “Why are you doing this to me?” It struck a nerve and gave me an idea of a different turn of events. What if Bella got pissed at this question, real pissed? Here is my answer. 
> 
> Remember, I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to Jess for offering to beta for me.

**Shattered Glass Part 2**

 

It came on slower than she expected.   The chilled feel of Edward's hands on her body had provided a soothing to her skin that soon faded as the change began.  She recalled the bite from James, and just as his venom had a vicious sting, so did this, but this was more.  Her wrists and arms became inflamed.  Her ankles, inner thigh, and neck throbbed with heat all at once, paralyzing her limbs.  She tried to take the pain in stride, pinning her arms by her sides and taking deep breaths in a vain attempt to drive the agony away.   She acknowledged that this was the beginning, and that it would last for days.   She yearned to take this well, to prove everyone wrong that had looked at her as nothing more than fragile and weak.   She tried to push the pain away by focusing on a black void, an escape under her eyelids; somewhere dark and numb, a place beyond the pain.  Her inner monologue a chant of how she wanted this and that it would be worth it.  

She could not hold on to lucidity.  The throbbing burn quickly consumed her.  The earlier venomous stings became a whisper, a sliver of her present state.  She was no longer aware that Edward was holding her or that he had brought her home to his bed.   She couldn't hear him sobbing into Carlisle's chest and begging her for forgiveness.

Bella's transition was in its sixth hour when her screams became involuntary, and then becoming guttural sounds of the venom purging her body of fluid.   An ugly truth, the hardest part of the change to watch was starting.  The human body expelled what it no longer needed, leaving a savage image that few could stand to bear witness.  Edward had been present at the turning of three others, but he had never stayed through the entire process.  He had never looked on to what he himself knew was hell, and it was a horrid sight.  To see his soul mate scream, her veins filled with poison, her body writhing in agony, and dying in front of him.  He knelt next to the bed, wiping away her tears trying to take in one last shred of her scent before it was altered completely.  

Mad with worry, Carlisle gave Edward brief bouts of sanity.  He comforted him with reassurances that everything was going as it should.   Telling him what to expect, and always reminding him that once this was over, he would have Bella back and she would be his equal.  She would be happy.

Inside of Bella was a war.  Red vs. Black.  Venom vs. Flesh.  While her blackness was a refuge, the red was a monster, a beast who chased its way through her entire being and held her prisoner.   It seeped into her body at a crawl, cackling in victory with every conquest.  She had lost any semblance of her goal, she was nothing but pain now.  Her limbs, torso, and neck had been overtaken by toxins, and the red beast was dancing its way into her skull, infecting her brain with a new agonizing plane of consciousness.   Bella had known that vampires possessed extremely heightened senses, but what she did not know was that the keen awareness would start now.  Her rapidly mutating mind was taking in physical sensations with blinding accuracy; gray matter shifting into a machine of perfect comprehension.  

She could feel each cell being dominated and reshaped, her mind trying to recoil while her body fought.  It was an instinctual act, a will to survive she could not control that kept her heart beating in a vain attempt to hold onto life.  The red churned endlessly into a dark crimson that soon overtook all that had been black.  Red.  Red.  Red.  An unending burn.  A mountain of fire that scorched and eviscerated flesh and bone, flames that licked at the red in sudden flashes of white heat.  Red.  White.  Red.  White.  

White.

White.

White. 

It started as a single point of light that encompassed her.  She thought she had been thrown into the sun, dipped in molten liquid which would scar her with immortality and engrave her with beauty.  

Although it seemed intangible, she reached for the dark recess that had once existed in her mind.   Her body bucked forward, her arms lurching upward as she reached for that last bit of darkness she so desperately craved.   It was beyond her reach.

In her last moment of cognizance, she gave herself to the red creature.   She would no longer run from it.  It was a hungry mask for death, one she decided to wear proudly.  She was ready for it.  She accepted it willingly.

Her body went rigid and quiet and in that state it stayed.  The only movement being the steady beat of her heart, rocking heavily against her rigid chest in a steady cadence; it was all she could hear, all she could feel.  The steadfast muscle that kept fighting for her became all that she had. 

Edward laid his hand on her chest and felt her heart beat, etching the sound and the feel into his memory for he knew it would not last much longer.  

It served as a sacred dying metronome for both of them.   

He stared at her, eyes wide in fear.   Her still form hadn't wavered.  She hadn't made a sound for hours.  He had never seen such a polluted peace during a change, nor had Carlisle ever mentioned anything like this.  He paced and huffed, berating himself for attempting this.  He was convinced that he had failed her, taken too much, maybe she was truly dying...  When Carlisle entered the room, he examined her quickly, keeping his thoughts focused on Bella's transition.  She was changing rapidly, quicker than most.  Carlisle saw her wounds, he could smell the venom throughout her body.  He knew that Edward had done exactly as he should have.  His fears were irrational.

"But she's so still now, so quiet...."  His hands shook, as did his lips when he tried to speak.

"Edward, I believe her body is succumbing.  She's not fighting it anymore.  That is what is speeding the process.  This is a good thing."  He put both hands on Edward's shoulders and looked him in the eye.  "Look at her.  Listen to her heart.   Sit with her...  Talk to her.  She may be able to hear you.    Be there for her now."

He made no attempt to control his thoughts as he was leaving the room.  He was proud of Edward.  He urged him to stay strong and he theorized that perhaps this rapid change was due to this being her choice.  Her body was not fighting the venom any longer, it was welcoming it.  The hardest part had already past.    

He stopped briefly at the door and glanced at her.  They both noticed the physical changes had started.  Her frame was still slight, but certainly more voluptuous.  Most noticeable was her skin, pale and utterly perfect.  Carlisle smiled to himself and thought that the absence of scars was unnatural for her.  He would truly miss her innocent clumsiness, it was a trait that only Bella could make endearing.

Edward moved slowly to the bed, brushing his fingers over hers.  He sat, closed his eyes and counted her heart beats wishing she would squeeze his hand.

  

 

~O~

 

She was facing the window where the dim morning light came through.  With barely an eye open, the light astounded her.  She was surprised as the air moved and swirled, making dust motes and pollen dance, and it mesmerized her. She thought about reaching out and her hand flew up with a speed that caused her to panic. She found herself in the corner of the room, crouched and holding her arms across her chest.  She realized she wasn't breathing, she hadn't been breathing.   

The first inhale was quick and sharp, filled with what should have been too many scents to process.  Her brain, however, recognized everything.   The pine from the floor, the cotton fabric of the sheets, and the glass from the window scented like sand along with a myriad of other distinct aromas wafting through the air assaulting her sense of smell.  Then there were the sounds  Footsteps, whispers, an electronic buzz stirring from an appliance, and various clicks and creaks, and the sound of a sheet of paper being pushed across the page of a book- but that was nothing compared to the song of the outside world.  Suddenly a new force of sounds crept into her ears and she gasped.   The wind sang for her in a constantly evolving melody.  Leaves said goodbye as they were swept from the trees and floated to the ground with a crunch.   Fluttering wings, rushing water from the river, and then came the rain.   She could pinpoint every drop of water that came down from the sky with her ears and her eyes.   Her stare transfixed on the droplets running down the window creating a kaleidoscope of images she found surreal.   

In a flash, she was in front of the window, where she became lost in her own reflection in the glass.  She lifted her hand and blinked repeatedly at not only her speed, but her skin.   Perfect, she thought.  Too perfect, inhuman.  Turning over her palm to see the absence of scars, she smiled sadly that the constant reminders of her humanity had disappeared.   

All of these new sensations were washing over her.   Her brain continued to process the smells, her ears picked up every peak of the wind, her eyes narrowed at the brightness of the light coming through the window.   She stood motionless and tried to get used to the sensitivity of her hands and the feeling of the air between her fingers.  She marveled silently.  

When the scents started to fade, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for her second breath.  The onslaught of scents hit her just as hard, but this time there was a new scent, one that fascinated her as she could not identify it.  Her head snapped up and she inhaled again, focusing on this glorious aroma, it captivated her.   

She instinctively stepped back from the window breathing in again and again, her senses telling her that what she smelled was close, it was inside.  An urgency took hold of her.  Her eyes remained shut as she relied on her sense of smell to guide her, and with every step the scent grew stronger.  Not just the smell, but the urgency to find it, to coil, spring and claim it.  

Mine.   She thought.  Mine.

She froze and breathed in slowly.   The scent...   

Warm

Inviting

 

Mine

 

Mine

 

Mine!

 

She could not stop herself from sucking in another breath.  She swayed forward, her nose brushing up against something soft and drenched in the sweet essence.  She inhaled again and again, each time pressing her face further into what felt like fabric covered sculpted stone.   

It was pulling her closer, enveloping her in a sweet comfort that let her body relax and her mind stand still.

In that moment, all of her senses worked together.  Her fingers touched hard yet smooth contoured skin.  She heard ragged breaths from above her, they were tickling her hair.   Her face was pressed up against his chest, her fingertips starting to rip his shirt from the simple contact.  His scent coming through that much stronger, and she was tempted to lick his bare skin just to taste it.    She was gulping breaths of his scent, trying to drown in it; trying fruitlessly to stop this overwhelming...   Everything.

"Open your eyes, love."

It was a whisper, but what Bella heard was the most precious thing to every grace her ears.  The noise made the air move and sent a vibration through her.  

She was overcome, crying, and pushing herself against him until his stance wavered.  She had pushed them both to the floor, clutching onto him and curling her knees into her chest.  It was all too much for her to process, yet she knew exactly what was happening.   Her thoughts whirled like leaves in the breeze, scattered and disjointed and crystal clear in her perfect recall.  Memories so sharp, so fast, too real.  Bella lay as still as a stone for several minutes, lost in exploring her own mind.

He cradled her and whispered soft reassurances, telling her she was safe.  He took her head in his hands, slowly guiding her face to the crook of his neck where she breathed him in and let her anxiety melt away in his arms.  They lay there for quite awhile, his hands sliding up and down her back, a soothing hum buzzing from his lips.  

How could she have not recognized the scent immediately?  Is was so simple.  She laughed out loud.  It was Edward.

She finally opened her eyes and he blinded her.   His eyes a mix of amber and scarlet, she stared into them for what seemed to be a lifetime.   She could not only see the red of his irises but she could feel her life force sustaining him, coursing through his body.  She could feel it.   He was holding a piece of her inside of him, she had never felt closer to him as she did in that moment.    

Her lips quivered, "Your eyes...  Me inside of you."

He nodded and held her tight against his chest. One of Bella's hands flew up onto her chest and the other hand was on Edward's.  Of course there was no heart beat, but there was something else, something infinitely better.  "I can feel it," she said in a ragged whisper.   "Me...  You...  It's...  God, I can't verbalize.  Can you feel it?  This?" She looked at him, all over him, speechless.

"Yes," he whispered.  "I can feel you.  It's...  I've never felt anything like this.  It's good, so good.  Intense."  
    
Their gazes were now fixed on each other's, and Bella traced her fingers from his chest onto his arms and torso.  "God, I can feel...   Everything." 

She put her hands on his shoulders, looking into his eyes and wondering if he could hear her thoughts.  Her mind was racing, her senses on overload.  The musky smell of his leather cuff,  the tiny movement of his lip when he started to smile, the smooth feel of his chest under her hands, the speed of her movements, his wince when she squeezed his arms, it was all happening and being processed simultaneously.  It bewildered her.

It was Edward's chuckle that brought her focus back to him.   "Are you alright?   I know this is very overwhelming."

She stopped breathing and smiled.  "Can you...   hear me now?"  She motioned to her temple.

"No," He leaned forward and rested his head against hers.   "You are still my sweetest mystery."  

"I love you," she breathed as his hands found her face again.  He began brushing his fingertips over her cheeks and then her lips.

"Say it again."

"I love you."  There was no hesitation in her response and there was no hesitation when he kissed her.   

 

~O~

 

He couldn't tear his eyes away from her.  She was devastatingly beautiful, graceful, innocent, she was still Bella.  He looked on as she studied his room as if she had never seen it before.  Bella would stay very still or move so fast she became steaks of color.   She was so different than Edward had been as a newborn.  She giggled at sunlight, and when it became too much, she'd wrap her arms and legs around him and just lie there breathing in his scent until her body became unwound under his touch.

Her eyes bloomed with curiosity, each and every sight a new discovery.   When she looked at Edward, the scarlet of her eyes disappeared behind dilated pupils, fixating on his lips, his hair, on the minute details her human eyes had never seen.   They stood facing each other as she studied him, a man she knew so well, yet at that moment she felt as though she was seeing him for the first time.   She was compelled to touch him, brushing her fingers across his taut forearm.  He was warm...  the flesh of his palm soft, but contradictingly solid as she squeezed his hand.  She was awash in fascination as she explored him, delicate touches shredding the sleeve of shirt causing her to gasp.  She ripped off the other sleeve just as easily, just to see if she could.

Her laugh rang out like a soprano bell, causing a wide smile to spread across Edward's face.  The realization that she was happy struck him with a force that made him want to erupt.  A myriad of emotions stormed within him; his fear and guilt melting away into pure elation.  She was alive, unbreakable, powerful, and she was giggling...  It was infectious.  He couldn't stop the joy that was bubbling up from his chest, unyielding sounds of mirth spilling from his lips.  

He no longer had to be cautious when touching her, yet he found himself doing it out of habit.  He tried to focus on getting another glimpse of her thoughts, but her mind was once again a fortress, locked away and protected by his beloved.  He closed his eyes and recalled the brief moment he had the privilege of experiencing Bella's mind.  She knew exactly what was happening and she showed him everything he needed to see.

He hadn't needed to reach or focus for she had projected images to him.  She had showed him flashes of the most precious people in her life.  Her family and friends were displayed in memory after memory, that in Bella's mind were dull, like aging photographs yellowed from the sun and worn from frequent thumbing.  Then he'd seen himself through her eyes.   All other memories had paled in comparison.  He gave color to what was once black and white.  He completed her in a way that no one else could.  He knew...   He had been so wrong in his assumption.  Her love for him was all consuming and just as strong as his ever was.

Edward squeezed his arms around her as hard as he dared, the hardest he had ever held her, yet he knew he was far from using all of his strength.

"Harder," she said peeking up at him.   "Hold me tighter."

The atmosphere in the room changed.   Bella shifted her body flush with Edward's, snaking her arms under his and grasping his shoulders.  His grip became fierce, both of them panting over the simple proximity of the other.  In a haze of lust and desire, clothing shredded away in haste, hands were desperate to explore, they were mad with desire.

Bella was wild, ensnared in her biggest fantasy come true.   She kissed and licked him, sucked on his skin savoring his taste.  

"Closer." She growled.  "I need you closer."

He rolled his hips, grinding and testing, making her shudder.  He rubbed himself on her, sliding his length up and down her stomach, teasing her.

Growling, she twined her fingers through his hair and pulled him down nose to nose with her.  "More.  More.  More.  In.  Now.   And don't you dare hold back."

Silently vowing to never refuse her again, his hands cupped her ass, pulling her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as he slid into her.   She was so wet, so ready for him, and the sight of her wanton and powerful, growling at him, her body begging for his wrecked him.  He thrust into her over and over again, hard then harder still.   He grunted and snarled and fucked her with abandon, relishing the fact that he didn't have to control himself.  Hell, he had already lost control.   They both had.  Raw and primal, they mated.  It was sex, but it was also something more.  The act strengthened the bond between them, brought down a wall that had once been there.  They were now equals.  It would never be the same.  It would be better.

 

~O~

 

There was a very brief moment of post coital bliss before Bella's hands were around her throat, the burning severe.

She needed to hunt.

Edward took her hand and led her outside, instructing her to follow him.  She did.

They ran and she was almost lost in the act itself for it was spectacular to her, but something else grabbed her attention.

He had led them to a small herd of deer; their hearts beating and their blood pumping, and she did not hesitate to indulge.  

She was absorbed in the thrill of her first meal, gaining sustenance was never that intense, never that satisfying.  She was not yet phased by the fact that she had just savagely torn open a living creature and fed on its life force.  No, the bloodlust was all consuming, robbing her of any actions other than her instinct to feed- until she heard Edward approach. 

He stayed back, taking care not to startle her, trying to give her space to feed.   She growled, her body huddled protectively over her kill.  Bending into a crouch she whipped her head up in his direction.  The sight of him confused her.  She knew him, loved him, but something inside felt threatened.  Keeping her eyes on him, she lifted the doe to her mouth and sucked hard, taking it all for herself.  She wanted him to see that this was hers and hers alone.   Blood coursed through her body, tingling her skin, her muscles pulsating in a rush of ecstasy.  She wanted more.  Now.

She flew through the trees in pursuit of the rest of the heard, taking down another in the same ruthless fashion, draining it and tossing the carcass aside in haste, she was still thirsty.

Off again, following scents and sounds, she was consumed by the hunt.  She heard rustling leaves, a frantic heart and footsteps behind her.    

She smelled him too.  Edward.  

He was standing before her holding a large buck which struggled under his hands.  He slowly moved forward, pushing the animal toward her as an offering.  She did not hesitate.

When the blood was no more, Bella emerged fulfilled.  Her breathing heavy, her body buzzing with energy, she felt alive.  She looked up at Edward and stopped breathing.  His stance was defensive, his eyes black as night, and suddenly she was hungry for his touch.

She pounced, a tumble of ravenous limbs as they clawed at each other.  Naked and bloody she rolled them both over and took his hands, pinning them over his head.  She straddled him, looked down at him knowing she was stronger, and she suddenly had the urge to dominate him.   

His throbbing cock beneath her broke her concentration.  Still holding him down, she positioned herself over him, the head of his dick pressing up against her entrance.  He growled and thrust his hips up, struggling against her hold.  She sank down onto him slowly, hissing as he continued to thrust wildly.

She moved with him, pushing hard against him, letting her hands wander to his chest as he gripped her hips roughly guiding her body onto his.  

Edward pulled her down on top of him, her breasts pressed up against his chest, their mouths meeting.  His fingers circled her clit making her writhe against his hand and beg him for more.  When she came, she cried out, her body shaking, eye squeezed shut.  It was the most exquisite thing she had ever felt.  Just as she started to calm, he started thrusting upward again, drawing out her orgasm.  She had never felt anything that intense.  It was too much, yet not enough.  Sounds came from her, but not words as she couldn't think.  All she could do was feel.

She looked down at her mate, and their eyes locked together.  She found his eyes to be incredibly arousing, the red, her blood, elicited a purr.  He moaned, his legs shaking, a heavy sob leaving his mouth as he came.  Watching him come undone beneath her filled her with a tremendous sense of power that swiftly turned into possessiveness.   She inhaled deeply, the scent of sex filling the air and driving her into acts that she could not control.  She wanted to feel him always, his skin, his fingers, his mouth, all the time.  His smell made her crazy, unique and addicting, she wanted to lick and taste and never stop.  She wanted everything, just him, she knew it was odd, but she wanted to bite him.  

Her teeth sank into the flesh of his neck.  He froze.  She was biting him, attacking him and it should have felt wrong, but it didn't.   She was feeling the same urge that he had felt many times before, but this was different.  It was not done with the desire for sustenance.  It was the desire to mark and claim.  

He knew it would scar and that made him wild.  He resisted the urge to pull her off.  He would take this from her, be marked as hers, just as she was marked as his.  

It was all too much.  The sting of her teeth, the pulse of her tongue, her hand gripping his hair, and she was still fucking him.  Riding him with no shame, no fear, no inhibition.  Just the two of them.  Loving.  Mating.  Coming together as one.  Reaching new heights, unknown pleasure and he wouldn't stop her, ever.

"Bella..."  He whispered, breaking her mouth's hold on his neck.

She pulled back, her lips quivering, staring at the ragged teeth marks she had left.  What had she done?

"Hey..."  He put his hands on her face and lovingly stroking her cheek.  He wanted to reassure her.  He could see in her eyes that she was afraid.  He pulled her tightly against him. "It's OK, it's instinctual.  The urge to bite...  I liked it.  Very much so."

She breathed a sigh of relief, holding him tight, letting his scent calm her.  

"Lick it."  Edward rasped, craning his neck and exposing the wound.  She hesitated, aroused again, confused by her own actions.  As her head moved upward toward his neck, her lips opened, the sight of his throat making venom trickle over her teeth.  "Spread it over me, heal me."

Her tongue darted out in a long lick, pulling back immediately to watch.  She saw the shallow film of her venom seeping into his skin, softening the bite mark.  Before he could instruct her to do it again, she was licking him up and down, working her venom into every imperfection in his skin.  

Even completely healed, his skin had been altered.  Tracing a path across it with her finger she asked, "Permanent?"

"Yes."  He was smirking, planning to make it as visible as possible, always.

She began to study her wrists, fingering her own scars.  "How many?"  She asked softly, knowing his mood was likely to shift.

"Six," he whispered.  He kissed each of her wrists then knelt before her, kissing the inside of each of her ankles.  His head moved slowly up her body parting her legs and placing a chaste kiss on her inner thigh.  Then he rose and tilted her head, drawing in a long inhale before kissing her throat.

She remembered his pleas for forgiveness and felt an intense need to reassure him.  Wrapping her arms around him, she squeezed gently and spoke softly to him.

"I was your singer, Edward.  I find something about that...  Beautiful.  It means I was made for you."  Looking into his eyes she smiled and stroked his cheeks, before running her fingers through his hair.  "There is nothing to forgive."

He thought maybe she had read his mind, as she had responded to exactly what he had been thinking.  "What made you say that?"  

Putting her hand on his chest, she smiled.  "When I said I could feel you, I meant it."  She paused, unsure of how to describe what she was experiencing.   "I can feel you...  like I am inside you all the time.  I can sense you, feel you move, I can almost..."  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, his scent making her smile.  "This is so intense, so overwhelming.  I want to hold you, kiss you, run with you, make love to you...  I need to touch you.  I am a part of you."

"You are."  He replied, giving a wide grin and a wink.

"Do you think it's because of my blood?  Do you think this will fade?  Did you feel this kind of connection with Carlisle?"  Her questions came out in a rush.    

His grin faltered at her expression.  The thought of losing that connection frightened her.  He pulled her close to him.  Leaning back, he wrapped his arms around her and stroked her arms as he spoke.  "No, I did not feel this way with Carlisle.  I've always been close to him, but it isn't the same."

Bringing her hand to his mouth, he made lots of light kisses over her fingers.  He smiled, leaning down and smelling her hair.  "I love you, Isabella Swan."

"No Swan."  She brought her hand to his jaw, gently running her fingers up and down.

He cocked his head to the side in question.

She smiled brightly as she looked deeply into his eyes.  "Cullen.  I want to be Bella Cullen."

He blinked, surprised, unsure of what she meant exactly.  She wanted to be a Cullen.  Did she just want the name?  Did she want his last name?

"I want to try something."  He whispered and she nodded.

"Don't move."  He leaned in slowly, "Be very still."

She recognized his words, from her bedroom, their first kiss.   She didn't listen to him then, and she wasn't about to now.  She laughed before launching herself at him, relishing the fact that he didn't pull away, he reacted the way she always wanted him to, kissing her into oblivion.

He pulled away breathless, his eyes dark and intense.  "Cullen?"  He asked.

She swallowed and looked deep into his eyes.   "Yes, Bella Cullen. Marry me, Edward."


End file.
